We had reason to visit Horsham in West Sussex this weekend, a not too distant town, on a drop off mission and en route to somewhere else. Imagine how interested I was then that, quite by coincidence, I happened to read in the Times last Friday that Horsham is one of the happiest places to live in Britain. According to property experts. Well, what do they know?
Driving round the ring road nose to tail certainly doesn’t provide one with an immediate impression of happiness. Soulless buildings, a multitude of insurance head-offices with minimal corporate planting of unsuitable tropical greenery in dreary brick-built window boxes only serve to highlight how out of place such architecture is in a West Sussex market town. At least, that’s how the property experts market it: a Market Town. I wonder what constitutes a market town these days – a yokel in a white smock shepherding a herd of swine across a local stream with waddling geese in their wake, a loaded hay-wain in the background? (I didn’t see any of those). Or a few barrels of cider and a cheese stall, displayed on straw to make it look rustically authentic? Horsham would appear to favour the latter. (The fruit and veg stall we swiftly passed was selling Spanish strawberries and asparagus from Peru. But I’m getting ahead of myself here).
Eventually we arrived at a multi-story car park. Which was sporting a new ticketless parking system called Smart Park.
Oh, Horsham is nothing if not cutting edge. The technological advances pounced on by the local district council here knows no bounds.
A camera photographs your number plate on entry and then all you have to do after a successful (or not) morning’s shopping, on your return to the car park, is remember your registration number. Because to release your car from this concrete hell hole you must tap your number into a machine, pay your dues and then, when you get to the exit barrier in your vehicle, your car will be automatically recognised and you’ll be let through. Allegedly.
In practise, it was utter chaos. In front of the only two machines were two snaking queues of glazed-eyed shoppers wearily waiting to key in their numbers behind other shoppers who had clearly forgotten theirs. They appeared as discombobulated as would-be apocalypse survivors, nervously jingling their change while mouthing a series of numbers and letters as if their lives depended on it.
When we eventually got back to our car we then had to wait in a jolting line of other vehicles attempting to make it through the barrier. One driver several cars ahead of us left his vehicle and remonstrated loudly with a young chap wearing a ‘happy to help’ high-viz jacket. Well, at least he was trying to promote happiness. I can’t imagine his feeling of well being will last long though, with constant verbal abuse from frustrated car drivers.
I counted four of these high-viz-happy-to-help attendants. How can that be cost effective? Surely one person, employed to replace a ticket roll and empty the machine, is a cheaper option than four people required to placate angry shoppers. Not to mention the cameras at bumper level that have been installed and connected to the state of the art machines that are causing all the angst amongst Horsham’s happy crowd.
Now, before any Horshamites take umbrage I’d like to make it clear that I have nothing against Horsham. I’m not criticising the place: it’s a perfectly nice town. It has all the shops you’d expect plus plenty of cafes and eateries. There is a bandstand around which several market stalls sell a range of produce. The buildings are a mix of old, not so old and new. I just don’t like their parking system. (Or the ring road but then to be fair, most places have one of those). I’d still like to know what makes it a happier place to live than say, Guildford, which seems to me to be a reasonably happy place to be. Let’s just hope our Borough Council doesn’t adopt this Smart Park idea. Happiness could plummet over night.
These sort of stories from the UK make me cringe. I wonder what I would find if I ever returned? Sounds like a world apart from the one I left. I can see why old people get nostalgic for the simple times …
You calling me old, sistah? 😃
Nah, just me 😦
I think we’d probably aged considerably while waiting in that queue …
Old, I’ll show you old! Actually we have been venting about the media needing to use the adjective elderly when describing an incident with a person over 60. E.g. An elderly 72 year old woman was…
Excuse me, how do you know she was an elderly 72, could have been sprightly. There are some elderly seeming 30 somethings about. Surely announcing the age is sufficient.
We have talking pay systems here. The voice sounds like something from an old vampire movie. It’s still talking to you as you wander off trying to remember where you left the car. Maybe I am an elderly 69.
Oh yes, I agree. How about this though – “Senior Citizens Early Bird Suppers – for the over 55’s” seen on a blackboard outside a pub.
When 60 is the new 50 – or even 45, I think this is pushing it a bit. I never understand why news items have to state the age of a person.
I’m in school with some kids who have an aged outlook. What on earth have they got to look forward to? 😄
Oh Jenny, this made me laugh…’concrete hell hole.’ 🙂
I’ve learned, anything with the word ‘smart’ in the title, usually isn’t.
Yes, you’re probably right there, Jill! What are the parking arrangements like in your neck of the woods?
Downtown…there isn’t any. 🙂 I work downtown, but fortunately, I’m able to park at the police station parking garage.
It must be worse than Southampton, but at least you got the material for an entertaining post
Thanks, Derrick. I don’t think I’ve been to Southampton since John Lewis ceased trading as Tyrrell and Green. And I don’t remember how or where we parked!
Try this one if you have time Jenny https://wordpress.com/post/35842407/2272/
🙂 Oh Jenny you do make us laugh at your misfortune! Since I don’t drive, I don’t have to deal with monstrous parking systems – and my partner avoids multi-stories like the plague, so I don’t know if we’ve ‘advanced’ to these systems yet. Maybe there’s a plot from another town to reduce the happiness quotient in Horsham by installing these machines…
Now that is an idea. Sabotaging happiness. Hmm, I like it. Probably rival estate agents trying to up their sales in another area. You should go into politics, Andrea😄
I get enough of that working for local government 🙂
😄
Ah! So much for modern progress eh? The thing that amuses me most is that kids who probably otherwise wouldn’t have, get jobs to placate their angry elders who lose the plot when faced with ‘progress’……… There’s a moral in there somewhere!
Yes, they were all young students types. What an awful job. But then it may help to spur on their ambitions and make them study harder so they won’t end up doing something similar as a career.
Oh, Jenny, at least your “cutting edge” doesn’t mess you up until you’re ready to leave. We went to non-metered parking spaces last year, and unless tourists saw the signs at each end of every street that explained what to do, they just parked and did nothing…and then got huge tickets.
And still, even those who actually know what to do have to predict how long they’ll be parked, go to a corner box, enter their license plate number and the correct change for that length of time. Or enter a credit card for the predicted time…and then hope that’s exactly how much time they use. It’s been a mess, and the local shops have suffered. Now the council has voted to re-do the machines–at almost double the expense predicted–and this was originally chosen to save funds.
Oh happy day. 😉
Several of the shops in the smaller towns round here refund your parking if you spend more than £5. You have to take part of your paper ticket with you to prove it. This scheme promotes local shopping – which will become extinct if this Smart Park malarkey catches on.
Seems that local councils world wide have no idea what they are doing and just go on spending willy-nilly.
We are in agreement. I have experienced something similar to Smart Park. It’s truly amazing how flustered one can get when trying to negotiate the new technology (and what was it that was so bad about paying for parking the old way, I wonder). The sort of thing where a sign usually proclaims, “For your convenience.” D
Absolutely! It’s not convenient and, as Jill above commented, it’s not Smart either. I can’t see anything wrong with the old way in this instance – I certainly have never experienced queues like those before, just to pay to park.
Concrete hell hole? Haha! 🙂 Great description! Unfortunately, we have those same “smart park” lots here, too. The lots might be smart, but they turn the people into babbling, amnesiac hysterics. How do I get out of here? Pleeese tell me! I can’t remember how to read!!! 😉
Exactly! Or remember the reg plate. I must admit now, ours is printed on the petrol card so we never have to commit it to memory these days. These little daily tests turn rational human beings into, as you so well put it, hysterics 😉
Sounds dire – but very funny description. I gather from the news today that we are moving to a cash free society. And then our Tax returns are all going to be done automatically. Hope it’s not the same computer system the BBC or the NHS had. Some new technology is good; catch-up tv is wonderful for me as I am always out, but some (as in your piece) just isn’t progress. Richard Littlejohn in The Daily Mail collects daft hi-viz jacket stories. Wonder if he has come across this one?
Yes I agree – some techie stuff is great – where would we be without the internet? Not here, obviously. 😄
But “improvements” like these, well, they need to be thought through first. A few more machines might help to alleviate the queues. Be patient if you ever have to visit Horsham.
Jenny, this was funny. I have a voice that no voice recognition phone menu system ever can decipher. I would generate lots of angry people behind me in line at that “concrete hell hole.”
Ooops I read it too fast. The shoppers were PRACTICING their numbers, trying to memorize them. Well, yes, it sounds awful anyway. Soon, anyway, voice recognition will be replacing the old punch in your numbers thing. Funny post.
VOICE recognition. Oh no, that’s dreadful. What happens if you’re an impressionist? Can you fake ID’s with a voice? This doesn’t bare thinking about.
I laughed when I saw “remember your number plate” because I thought they were trying to teach drivers not to forget which car was theirs. But seriously, there are some people who won’t be able to remember their number plates (thinking about some of the young people who have passed through our school…). Maybe a very small minority, but not good to have a whole system that will grind to a halt on meeting just one of these individuals.
Haha, that’s right, Denise. It only takes one either dyslexic or discalculic person to foul the whole system. Who runs these councils that make all these ridiculous and expensive decisions?
I’ve actually lost my car in a multi story before. After panicking that it had been stolen I realised I was on the wrong floor … 😄
I popped in to the local Tesco in Truro yesterday – said free parking for 2 hours (if you spent £3 in Tesco) BUT you do need a voucher from the cashier. The first 1/2 hour is completely free though. I was totally confused as there are no barriers. There is however a camera, and if you don’t verify your stay then you are likely to be fined! I wonder how many people get caught by this?
That sounds complicated. We had barriers at out local Waitrose for a while but it didn’t work. There is a parking attendant now who issues tickets to anyone who stays longer than 90 minutes. I think it’s to stop commuters parking there instead of the train station.
I bet Truro and its surrounds are looking lovely this week 😊
Confused me, but then I am easily confused these days 😉
Everything is looking very green! And flowers everywhere, particularly primroses, I have never seen so many before.
Haha…A yokel in a white smock shepherding a herd of swine? A barrel of cider and cheese? For a moment there Jenny, I thought you were describing a town in Somerset 😀 I was at a car park in Sherborne recently and had to memorise my car registration to enter it before paying for my ticket. I didn’t know this until I walked across the car park and then had to walk back as I couldn’t remember it!!! I don’t know about Horsham being cutting edge but your post sure is, I love the way you write, you had me laughing out loud with your clever wit despite the frustration you experienced. The whole idea of that parking system and the poor blokes in high viz jackets just waiting to be abused seems totally absurd. Bet you couldn’t wait to get out of that ‘concrete hell hole’ and return to happy Guildford 🙂
Haha, thanks Sherri, glad my little rant had you laughing. Sadly not Somerset although West Sussex has a lot going for it, just not its parking arrangements!
Memorising one’s number plate isn’t high up on my list of priorities although oddly, I recognise my friends cars as I’m driving past because I know their plates. I tend to create words from the three letters at the end so I know them as that. (Synaesthesic?) I suppose I never see mine in the same way as I’m always inside the car. 😄
That sounds quite synaesthetic to me Jenny! Very inventive. I’m dreadful, I don’t pay any attention to number plates, much less my own. I always say I’d be a useless witness 😮
Thanks for the laughs once again, Jenny. Sounds like a remarkably inefficient parking system, not to mention unnecessarily complicated. I really don’t understand the necessity of the license plate cameras — seems like a lot of extra hoo-hah. Most of the parking structures I’ve experienced here in the States still involve a take-a-ticket machine. Said ticket is then inserted into another machine upon exiting the structure, and the fee paid with a credit or bank account debit card. But then, we’ve become a very plastic-oriented society, which has its own set of pros and cons.
Well I’m glad to hear that America is still using tickets. Usually we are led to believe that all the state of the art stuff comes from the States. We are though, like you, becoming a cashless society. This is never more apparent than when you pay for something in a shop and offer the cashier the odd coin to round up the total thereby making their job of giving change that much easier – supposedly. Usually I’ve found that it throws them into complete panic because they are unable to work out the change needed unless the till tells them what to give back. Hmm…. Another post in the making 😄
Yes a familiar scenario here too, Jenny. I once went into a coffee shop and asked for an 8 oz bag of coffee. The teen behind the counter stared at me, dumbfounded, and responded that she could only sell me a pound or a half pound bag. Frightening.
I had lost track of time and did not realize my response did not get published until I was circling round to visit you, Jenny. I was smiling at the way some towns are given credit for making people ‘happy’ and other ones may have quaint aspects. This town had the strangest system, almost could not wrap my mind around it. I was like you thinking it was misusing funding or something. I do enjoy tooling around to towns, finding out their quirks, which this at least made your post really entertaining, Jenny. (Frustrating while you were in the moment, though, I imagine!) Have a great weekend!
Thanks Robin. It’s always good to go somewhere different and explore the place …. once you get past their quirky parking arrangements!
So, Jenny, I gather you won’t be writing public relations travel brochures for the Horsham Chamber of Commerce any time soon. 😉 Your descriptions made me chuckle. We had a similar frustrating parking nightmare in a beach town not too far from us. It’s like they wanted to discourage visitors. 😉
Haha, you guessed it, Judy! I was fortunate that when I did work in PR, I was championing a brand I had absolute faith in (and still do), so my job was a doddle. This would be a different kettle of fish altogether😄
My best (and only) impression of Horsham is the cricket ground so it remains a sunny, happy place as far as I’m concerned 🙂
I take it your team won then?
I didn’t even know there was a cricket ground there, so I’m sure there are many other equally as crowd pleasing places in and around Horsham. Probably ‘around’ is preferable – you wouldn’t have to tangle with the parking nightmare of the town centre 😄
Too funny! Reminds me of a hospital parking lot in a large town our seriously ill patients are sent to. If you don’t keep that parking level ticket, it’s nearly impossible to find the car. I guess those beautiful old towns weren’t designed for modern machinery!! Yikes!
Ah, yes, hospital car parks are worth another rant altogether, Renee! Ours costs a fortune if you are lucky enough to secure a parking space in the first place and then it is situated so far from the entrance that if you weren’t seriously ill before you went in then the chances of you being so by the time you find the ward you need are pretty high. 😆
Too funny !
I think so much of “progress” is a political push by an enthused council member or advisor with exceptional persuasive powers–“This is THE thing; we MUST have this!” Or a person who has done a lot of favors and is calling in chits (“my brother’s father-in-law invented these machines and I’ve promised him we will buy one!”).
Decisions to replace people with new technology are rarely the rational decisions they pretend to be.
You’ve accomplished a fine rant! Similar to the one I harangue my way through every time I park at the Providence Place Mall. A machine gives out little magnetic tickets when you enter, and you have to keep track of it all the while you are shopping. Another machine makes you pay with a credit card on your way out. I just recently realized that my cell phone demagnetizes the ticket. And my purse is small. So where am I supposed to carry the ticket? In my shoe?
Oh, we have that kind of parking arrangement in Guildford and I’ve had my magnetic strip wiped because I stored it too near my phone. It’s so annoying! We’ve recently been introduced to the paying by credit card option. I’m still a bit suspicious about that and try to keep enough change about my person so I don’t have to use it.
I love your cynical notion that the Horsham parking fiasco is down to the old pals act. It’s just the sort of thing that would probably go on in our Home Counties.
I think you’re right to be suspicious of those things. We just today were alerted that my husband’s card was fraudulently copied. They install electronic readers on swipe machines like those (gas pumps are another big target); it’s racking up billions/year in fraudulent charges. My credit card company caught on right away and did not authorize upwards of $1000 in charges, but they did authorize $120 one (which either they or the merchant is stuck with). Scary!