Posts Tagged ‘language’

Funny Shorts

No, the title doesn’t refer to the wearing of hideously patterned Bermudas: just a couple of moments that amused me recently and which I thought were worth sharing.

I was on my way to lunch with WF1 when I spotted this. Other road users must’ve thought I was some sort of mad woman as I laughed away to myself, veering off the road when I could safely park up, walk back and take a snap.

It’s great, isn’t it? There are definitely some cases where the absence of proof reading or checking is vital to our well-being. It certainly made me feel better. Thank goodness for illiteracy.

I was obviously in frivolous frame of mind that day because not much further on I saw a homemade poster taped to a road sign advertising a
‘Massive Rug Sale‘.
And I wondered how large a rug has to be before it’s a carpet.

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At the risk of being showered by the particular bugbear of this post, do you know one of the things that really riles me? Profanities. Written ones. I don’t see the point: they really irk me. There I am, reading an interesting article when suddenly, out of nowhere and for no tangible reason, the writer shoves in a quick Anglo-Saxon style curse. What for? Effect? To display some sort of weird street cred? Sorry but that’s where I either lose faith in the writer’s point of view or stop reading altogether.

As when locked into a heated discussion it is pretty indicative as to who will eventually come out on top when one side resorts to using swear words loudly – the first sign of this in my adversary and I know I’m on to a winner. Not, you must understand that I partake in arguing often. Or loudly.

(But there again, some might disagree).

The only acceptable place for a written obscenity is the dialogue within a play or a novel. If the imagined character would behave and speak in that way, then fine. Ron Weasley obviously wouldn’t, Mellors jolly well just might.

Writers have time to consider every word – even if writing under pressure to a tight deadline. The effectiveness of each word matters. There should be the time to come up with a word or a few words to better describe feelings of outrage/disappointment/astonishment than by resorting to the language of the gutter. Writing is a craft, it’s not just a string of words cobbled together – or it shouldn’t be – and by peppering an editorial with expletives simply, in my humble opinion, devalues it.

Social media is in part to blame. With instant messaging, people think they are ‘talking’ to each other so swearing comes naturally even if, more than likely, it’s spelled incorrectly. This of course then creeps into an otherwise worthy piece of writing – it’s a sloppy habit that is spreading through the media like an Australian bush fire.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not actually offended by the language. I’m as guilty as the next person in that I use it verbally and have been party to some pretty choice phrases while watching the beautiful game – usually directed inexplicably toward the referee. I don’t think there’s anything I haven’t heard. I just don’t want to see it written down, thanks very much.

Here is my list of top ten situations where swearing in my book is totally acceptable:

  1. Pain – Hitting your hand hard with a hammer or similar during a DIY job
  2. Frustration – when said DIY job turns out to be more complex than first thought
  3. Impatience – when realising that someone else had used the last of the toilet roll
  4. Anger – someone running into the back of your car at traffic lights
  5. Amazement at random achievement – a hole in one, for instance
  6. Disbelief at random achievement – a hole in one, for instance
  7. Annoyance – as in when the gas fitter fails to turn up for a pre-scheduled appointment
  8. Outrage – when you realise that the meagre pay increase bestowed makes not one bit of difference to the final box on your pay slip
  9. Exasperation – when you check in at the airport on time to find that your flight has been delayed three hours.
  10. Panic – when you realise that your passport will be out of date before your next return journey home. Especially in light of the current situation at the UK Passport Office – but that, fortunately, does not apply to me. (Smug).

 Feel free to add reasons of your own for a diatribe of expletive-ridden invective …




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